Stuff that tweens ask about...

Is everybody really doing it?
Not always sure what “IT” means to everyone, but for the sake of us all being on the same page… “IT” = ALL sex; this includes vaginal, anal, oral, and mutual masturbation. It’s true that casual sex has been “normalized” in movies and TV, but the real truth is that surveys repeatedly show that 50% of young people aren’t doing IT and are in fact purposely staying away from IT. #1
What if I just experiment, but don't really go "all the way"?
Curiosity about the unknown is natural. You have 2 available methods to satisfy your curiosity. One is experimental; the second is getting good information.
The first method puts you in the active role of receiving all the outcomes personally because you are the one doing the action. This can be extremely problematic, even dangerous. Consequences like unplanned pregnancies, diseases, and broken hearts are but three examples of the potentially devastating consequences by being sexually active. The second method requires getting good information to make good decisions which will help you to setup a plan to live by you can trust. Here again, as with the first method, the consequences are personal and you will own them. BUT… because you’ve done your homework you can anticipate satisfactory results!
My parents are giving me a lot of grief about whether I can date or not. Is dating really so bad? Won't my dating relationships last?
Wow, that’s a lot of questions. First, your parents are a great source of information for you… after all they were your age once. The decisions they made at your age- good or not so good- had the same potential consequences you will face. Maybe you could get them to talk to you about the decisions they made and what were the outcomes of those decisions they made? Research shows that ½ or more of all teen relationships breakup within the first 6 months of dating. #2 #3 So that might get you to think about do you really want to trust someone with your deepest thoughts and emotions, as well as your body, knowing that “someone” will more than likely not be with you for very long.
Won't I be "safe" if the guy wears a condom?
Again, you need to understand potential consequences and be prepared to own your personal decisions. Are you ready to put your health and future in the hands of someone who might not use a condom correctly if at all? Condoms not used properly and soon enough have much decreased effectiveness. Are you ready to face a potential pregnancy? About 35% of condom users get pregnant. #4 About 18% of females using condoms 100% of the time contracted an STD.#5

Here are some further questions for you to research answers you can live with:

  • How would you handle an unplanned pregnancy?
  • What would you do if you found out you had a sexually transmitted disease (STD)?
  • Can you think of a time when you were broken-hearted? How did it feel? Would you want to experience a potential heartbreak on purpose?

Some more info...

  • The younger a person is when they start having sex, the greater the chance of getting an STD.
  • You can get an STD from oral sex.


#1 Center for Disease Control and Prevention: US Youth Risk Behavior Study 2007
#2 The Oxytocin Factor, Kerstin Uvnas-Moberg 2003
#3 Are You? Are They? Lookadoo, Justin, DiMarco, Haylet, Daleable 2003
#4 The Silent Epidemic , California Nurses for Ethical Standards 1994
#5 America Journal of Public Health 2003